A Different Way to Think About Change

I've been thinking a lot about why change is so hard.

Every January, I watch people (myself included) set ambitious goals with genuine intention. And by February, most of us are back to our usual patterns, wondering what happened.

For a long time, the common wisdom said it was about discipline or willpower. But recent research in behavioural psychology and neuroscience tells a different story, and I wanted to share it in case it's helpful for you.

The Identity Gap

Studies in behaviour change reveal something counterintuitive: the gap isn't usually between knowing and doing. It's between who we are and who we'd need to be to maintain new behaviours.

Research from psychologists like Benjamin Gardner at King's College London shows that sustainable behaviour change happens when actions align with identity, not when we rely on willpower alone. Their studies found that people who successfully maintain new habits don't experience them as effortful - the behaviours flow naturally from their sense of self.

Think about someone you know who's naturally consistent with something - maybe exercise, organization, or staying calm under pressure. Behavioural research suggests they're not battling themselves daily. The behaviour has become part of their identity, which makes it almost automatic.

Why We Work Against Ourselves

Research on goal pursuit reveals something fascinating: we often pursue multiple, conflicting goals without realizing it.

Alfred Adler's work in individual psychology introduced the concept of teleology - the idea that all behaviour is goal-directed, even when those goals are unconscious. Modern research in motivational psychology has expanded on this, showing that people frequently hold competing intentions.

For example, someone might genuinely want career advancement while simultaneously pursuing the goal of maintaining comfort and avoiding risk. Or they might seek new opportunities while also working to protect their reputation as someone stable and reliable.

According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, these aren't failures of discipline. They're conflicts between different values and protective mechanisms, all operating simultaneously. Understanding this conflict, studies suggest, is often more useful than simply trying harder.

How People Evolve Over Time

Developmental psychologists have mapped predictable patterns in how people's thinking evolves across their lifespan.

Jane Loevinger's research on ego development, later expanded by Susanne Cook-Greuter, identified distinct stages people move through:

Conformist Stage: People internalize group rules and cultural norms as absolute truths. Research shows this creates stability and belonging, which serves important psychological needs.

Conscientious Stage: Individuals begin creating personal frameworks and questioning inherited beliefs. Studies show this stage involves developing internal standards rather than relying solely on external validation.

Individualist Stage: People recognize that even their own principles were shaped by context. Research indicates this stage involves holding beliefs more provisionally and with greater nuance.

Strategist Stage: Individuals can see multiple systems simultaneously and understand their own role within them. Studies suggest only about 4-5% of adults reach this stage.

According to the research, these aren't hierarchical levels of "better" or "worse" - they're different meaning-making systems that serve different purposes at different life stages. We move through them as we're ready, and everyone progresses at their own pace.

The Pattern of Real Change

Research on successful behaviour change reveals a consistent three-phase pattern.

Phase 1: Dissonance Studies in cognitive psychology show that change begins when the gap between current reality and desired reality becomes uncomfortable enough that maintaining the status quo feels worse than changing. This isn't a dramatic crisis - research suggests it's often persistent, low-grade dissatisfaction that accumulates over time.

Phase 2: Uncertainty Neuroscience research shows this transitional phase activates brain regions associated with ambiguity and threat detection. Studies indicate this discomfort is a feature, not a bug - it's the brain reorganizing around new patterns. Research from Carol Dweck's work on growth mindset shows that people who understand this phase as necessary rather than failure-indicating are more likely to persist.

Phase 3: Discovery Studies on skill acquisition show that once new behaviours align with emerging identity, progress accelerates dramatically. Research suggests this isn't because people suddenly develop more discipline - it's because the cognitive load decreases when behaviours feel congruent with self-concept.

A Framework That Works

So what does evidence-based behaviour change actually look like?

Research consistently shows that motivation increases when we're moving away from something unacceptable rather than just toward something vague.

Studies by psychologist Tory Higgins on regulatory focus theory found that "prevention motivation" (avoiding unwanted outcomes) can be just as powerful as "promotion motivation" (achieving desired outcomes) - sometimes more so.

Start with clarity on what you're unwilling to accept:

Research suggests visualizing the specific future you want to avoid creates stronger motivation than vague anxiety. What would your life look like in five years if nothing changed? What aspects of that picture are genuinely unacceptable to you?

Then get specific about what you're moving toward:

Goal-setting research by Edwin Locke and Gary Latham shows that specific, challenging goals lead to higher performance than vague or easy goals. But studies also show that goals need to align with personal values, not just external expectations.

Structure it as iterative experiments:

Research on effective goal pursuit emphasizes the importance of feedback loops. Studies in cybernetics - the science of systems and control - show that intelligent systems share common features:

Break it into manageable timeframes:

Research on temporal motivation theory shows that breaking long-term goals into shorter intervals (like 90 days) increases both motivation and follow-through. Studies suggest this works because it makes abstract futures feel more concrete and urgent.

For the next 90 days, try this structure:

Track it systematically:

Research on self-monitoring consistently shows that people who track their behaviour change more successfully than those who don't. Studies suggest this isn't about judgment - it's about creating visibility and feedback.

The Reality of Growth

Research on behaviour change reveals some consistent truths:

Progress is rarely linear. Studies on habit formation show that setbacks are normal and don't predict ultimate success or failure. Research by Phillippa Lally found it takes an average of 66 days to form a habit, with wide variation (18-254 days), and that missing occasional days doesn't significantly impact long-term formation.

Your brain will resist change. Neuroscience research shows that new behaviours require significant cognitive resources initially, which the brain experiences as uncomfortable. Studies indicate this discomfort decreases as neural pathways strengthen through repetition.

Identity shifts feel like loss. Research in social psychology shows that changing self-concept, even positively, activates the same brain regions as grief. Studies suggest this is why personal growth can feel emotionally complicated even when it's desired.

Small shifts can catalyze larger changes. Research on "keystone habits" by Charles Duhigg shows that certain small changes create ripple effects, making other positive changes easier. Studies suggest this happens because they begin reshaping self-perception.

Where This Leaves Us

The research on behaviour change points to something important: sustainable change isn't about trying harder with the same approach. It's about understanding what you're actually working against - often competing goals, ingrained identities, or protective mechanisms that served you well in the past.

If you've been trying to change something and it keeps not working, the evidence suggests it might not be about insufficient discipline. It might be about misaligned goals, unclear motivation, or attempting change without addressing the identity underneath.

The good news? Research consistently shows that understanding these dynamics makes change more achievable, not less.

How This Connects to Your Financial Life

Here's what's interesting: the same research that applies to personal change applies directly to financial decision-making.

Studies in behavioural finance show that our financial choices are rarely purely rational - they're deeply tied to identity, unconscious goals, and protective mechanisms we've developed over decades.

Someone might say they want to build wealth but unconsciously associate money with guilt or family tension. Research shows they'll sabotage their own progress without realizing it.

Someone else might have accumulated significant assets but struggle to enjoy them or deploy them strategically - because their identity is still anchored to the scarcity mindset that helped them build wealth in the first place.

Or someone might keep putting off financial planning conversations not because they're too busy, but because engaging with it would force them to confront gaps between where they are and where they thought they'd be by now.

The evidence is clear: financial success isn't just about having the right strategy. It's about aligning that strategy with who you are, what you actually value, and what you're genuinely working toward - not what you think you should be working toward.

This is where real financial planning comes in.

Not the kind that just optimizes numbers, but the kind that starts with honest questions:

Let's Have a Conversation

Research on financial planning outcomes shows that people who engage in this deeper work - clarifying values, addressing identity conflicts, and building strategies that align with their actual goals - experience better outcomes across every metric: wealth accumulation, financial satisfaction, and overall life contentment.

I work with people at every stage - from those just getting started who need clarity and structure, to those who've accumulated wealth and are ready to deploy it more meaningfully.

The conversation isn't about selling you something. It's about understanding where you are, where you actually want to go, and what might be creating friction between those two points.

Then we build a strategy that accounts for all of it - the numbers, yes, but also the identity shifts, the value conflicts, and the competing goals that research shows drive so many of our financial decisions.

Here's what that looks like:

We start with an honest conversation about what you're working toward and what you're working against. Not surface-level goals, but the real motivations underneath.

Then we look at your current financial picture - not to judge it, but to understand where it aligns with those goals and where it doesn't.

From there, we build a strategy that's actually yours - not a generic template, but something that fits your values, your timeline, and the life you're building.

And we create feedback loops, so you're not wondering if it's working. You'll know, and we'll adjust as your life and goals evolve.

Ready to start?

The year ahead is going to pass either way. The question is whether you'll use it to close the gap between the financial life you have and the one you actually want.

We are here when you're ready to figure out what that looks like.

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